Published 23 Nov 2016 Mamamia Network.
Let me preface this by assuring you I’m not a prude.
I cut my teeth on Madonna’s cone bra, and the full frontal nudity of her sex book made perfect sense to me. It was a genuinely outrageous, revolutionary feminist statement. She was a female pop star, completely aware of the objectification of her kind through history, and she took control of it.
No only that, she dared to push it way beyond the outer reaches of our culture’s wildest, exploitative imaginings. She dared us to try to take advantage of her and in doing so, she made it impossible.
Chrissy Teigen is no Madonna.
I mean seriously, WTF is with baring your labia on an award show red carpet? Like deliberately, and with extreme prejudice.
“Apologies to anyone harmed physically or mentally by my hoo ha,” she tweeted on Tuesday. I get it Chrissy, people who don’t want to see your genitals are ‘lame’, people who are angry about it are ‘overreacting’. I mean, it didn’t bite anyone… right? It didn’t start a feud with Kanye West or steal a car, (as far as I know, but it must be very special, given the lengths you went to to bring it to our attention.)
Good luck to it, and all who sail in it, but it has created some real issues during its little outing.
It did upstage every woman at the event, some of whom are actually hard-working and talented musicians, unlike trophy-wife Chrissy. It did normalise the idea that women’s bodies belong to everyone and that cool chicks are happy to share them. It did reinforce female nudity as far inferior to male nudity in terms of power and gravitas.
Can you imagine her husband, John Legend, allowing a nut to swing free as he escorted her to a fashion show? No, neither can I. Male celebrities aren’t expected to approximate nudity on a big night out, but John and Chrissy have signaled to women the world over that their vaginas should be presentable at all times – hairless, spray-tanned and ready for inspection by whomever is interested.
God. I’m so angry with Chrissy Teigen! I’m shocked by it myself, but I saw an unpixelated pic of her vajayjay and I just snapped! Too far, lady. Too far. I don’t want my daughter thinking showing her vagina to strangers is sophisticated and I don’t want my son thinking it’s reasonable. It’s such a sad display of fame-whore attention seeking it makes the Kardashians look like a silent order of nuns.
Phew. I’m going to watch a nice episode of The Crown now on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about the early days of Queen Elizabeth’s reign and as we all know, her vagina is protected from public view by a dozen layers of wool and silk and the entire British cavalry.
Whoever scored Chrissy’s name in the celebrity secret Santa this year needs to take a leaf out of Buckingham Palace’s book. A nice long coat with matching handbag and shoes is what that chick needs.